Couples Therapy in New Jersey: Everything You Need to Know Before Your First Session
Introduction
Thinking about couples therapy but not sure where to start? You are not alone. Many people have questions about what couples therapy actually looks like, what happens in sessions, and how to know if it is the right step for their relationship.
At Light Street Psychotherapy in Short Hills, NJ, couples therapy treats the relationship as the client — focusing on the underlying patterns that drive distress, disconnection, and misattunement. It does not focus on blame or direct problem solving. It focuses on mutual respect, understanding, and new ways to relate.
Our couples therapy specialist is Gina Totino, LCSW — Partner at Light Street Psychotherapy. Gina works with couples using evidence-based approaches including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), DBT for High-Conflict Couples, and IFS-informed couples therapy.
This blog answers the most common questions people ask about couples therapy — using only what we offer and provide at Light Street Psychotherapy.
📞 Call us: (973) 544-8617
✔️ In-person in Short Hills, NJ | Telehealth across New Jersey and Florida
✔️ Free consultation available
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy treats the relationship as the client, focusing on the underlying patterns that drive distress, disconnection, and misattunement. At Light Street Psychotherapy, we provide an individualized and collaborative environment to help restore safety, connection, and clarity across various dynamics:
- Trauma-Impacted: Moving from mutual triggers to mutual regulation by understanding how the past affects the present
- High-Conflict: De-escalating volatile cycles and replacing defensiveness with healthy communication and boundaries
- Disconnected: Utilizing evidence-based tools to bridge emotional distance and rebuild intimacy and attunement
- In Transition: Navigating major life shifts — like parenthood or career changes — to ensure the partnership evolves with you
Who Can Benefit from Couples Therapy?
At Light Street Psychotherapy, couples therapy can help partners across many different situations:
- Chronic Conflict: Couples who feel they are constantly fighting about the same thing without resolution, or who struggle with intense emotional reactions that make productive conversation difficult
- Emotional Disconnection: Partners who feel like roommates or feel lonely even when they are together
- Breaches of Trust: Those working through the aftermath of an affair, hidden secrets, or emotional betrayals
- Life Transitions: Couples struggling with the stress of new parenthood, career changes, or aging
- Impact of Trauma: Partners whose past individual traumas are affecting their ability to feel safe and open in their current relationship
- Entrenched Power Struggles: Partners who feel stuck in the same arguments and are tired of the blame game
- Individual Stagnation: Those who feel their personal growth is being stifled or that they lose themselves within the relationship
- Avoidant Dynamics: Partners who have a habit of withdrawing or stonewalling as a way to manage internal distress
Our Clinical Approach to Couples Therapy
At Light Street Psychotherapy, we recognize that no two relationships are the same. Our clinicians are extensively trained in evidence-based modalities, including The Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), and DBT for High-Conflict Couples.
We meet couples exactly where they are. While we are adherent to the clinical integrity of these models, we believe therapy should be tailored to the couple — not the other way around. By integrating elements from various frameworks, we create a treatment plan that honors your unique history, communication style, and goals. We treat each partnership as a unique ecosystem rather than forcing it to fit into a rigid template.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Below are the most common questions people ask before starting couples therapy — answered directly from what we offer and provide at Light Street Psychotherapy.
Q: Can therapy improve relationships?
Yes. Therapy helps individuals and families improve communication, resolve conflicts, identify negative communication patterns, and build healthier emotional connections. Light Street Psychotherapy offers individual, couples, family therapy, and group therapy to strengthen relationships and promote emotional understanding.
Q: Is therapy confidential?
Yes. Therapy is confidential, and therapists are legally and ethically required to protect your personal information and privacy. The only exception to confidentiality is when a client presents as a harm to themselves or another person.
Q: How long does a therapy session last?
Therapy sessions are 60 minutes. Intake assessments are typically 90 minutes.
Q: How often should we attend couples therapy?
Most people attend therapy once per week, but frequency may vary depending on individual needs and treatment goals. Light Street Psychotherapy creates a personalized therapy schedule based on your goals and emotional needs.
Q: Do you offer online therapy sessions?
Yes. Light Street Psychotherapy offers convenient and confidential online therapy sessions so you can receive support wherever you are. Research shows that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy for many mental health conditions. Light Street Psychotherapy provides secure virtual therapy sessions that offer the same quality care as in-person visits.
Q: How do I know if we need therapy?
Everyone can benefit from therapy. Throughout our lifetime we continue to evolve and therapy helps us to explore our life transitions and manage conflict in a healthier way. Therapy can help shine light onto our blind spots. You may benefit from therapy if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, emotionally stuck, or are struggling with trauma, stress, or relationships. Light Street Psychotherapy provides guidance to help you understand your challenges and develop healthier coping strategies.
Q: What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and how does it help couples?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to psychotherapy that prioritizes the role of emotions as the key to individual experience and relationship dynamics. It is rooted in Attachment Theory, which suggests that humans have an innate need for secure, emotional connections.
While most famous for its success in couples therapy, EFT is also highly effective for individuals (EFIT), couples, and families (EFFT).
The core philosophy of EFT believes that beneath most conflict is a simple, vital question: “Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Will you respond when I call?” EFT gives couples the tools to answer yes.
Gina Totino, LCSW is trained in EFT and uses this approach as a core part of her couples therapy work at Light Street Psychotherapy.
Q: What is Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO)?
Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) is an evidence-based model of couples therapy that blends the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) with relational therapy. This approach shifts the focus from fixing the partner to understanding the internal parts of oneself that react during conflict.
The core philosophy of IFIO is that a healthy relationship is not just about how we interact with our partner, but how we relate to the different aspects of our own personality.
How IFIO Works
Most traditional therapies focus on the interaction between two people. IFIO adds an important step by encouraging people to look inside themselves first before reacting to their partner.
The Internal Work: When conflict happens, IFIO helps each partner notice their protective parts — the parts that may become angry, quiet, defensive, or critical during arguments. By looking at these reactions calmly and with self-compassion, a person can understand the fear, hurt, or vulnerability that these parts are trying to protect.
The Relational Work: After understanding their inner reactions, partners learn to speak for their feelings instead of reacting from them. For example, instead of saying “You always ignore me,” a partner might say: “A part of me feels lonely and scared when we do not talk, and it reacts by getting angry.”
Repairing the Bond: IFIO helps couples go beyond simple compromises. It focuses on healing deeper emotional wounds so partners can break repeated patterns of misunderstanding and rebuild a stronger emotional connection.
Why Choose IFIO?
- Non-Pathologizing: IFIO believes that every part of a person has a positive intention. Even the parts that become angry, defensive, or withdrawn are usually trying to protect us from emotional pain or fear
- Individual and Shared Growth: This approach supports personal healing while also improving the relationship. As each partner understands themselves better, the relationship can grow stronger
- Compassion-Based: IFIO encourages curiosity instead of blame. Rather than accusing each other, partners learn to explore why they react in certain ways, creating more understanding, empathy, and emotional connection
IFIO is especially helpful for couples who feel stuck in the same arguments or feel that their personal growth is limited by their relationship. Gina Totino, LCSW is trained in IFIO and uses this approach with couples at Light Street Psychotherapy.
Q: What is DBT and how does it help couples?
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals manage intense emotions and develop healthier coping strategies. It focuses on balancing acceptance of emotions with making positive behavioral changes.
DBT teaches several important skills including mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. These skills help individuals better manage emotional stress and improve their relationships with others.
For couples, DBT helps de-escalate volatile conflict cycles and replace defensiveness with healthy communication and boundaries. Gina Totino, LCSW uses DBT specifically with high-conflict couples at Light Street Psychotherapy.
Q: What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and how is it used in couples work?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that helps individuals understand the different parts of their mind. These parts may include emotions, memories, beliefs, or behaviors that influence how a person thinks and reacts to situations.
IFS therapy is based on the idea that every person has multiple internal parts that interact with each other, similar to members of a family. Some parts may carry painful memories or trauma, while other parts try to protect the individual from emotional harm. In therapy, clients learn to explore these parts with compassion rather than judgment.
IFS therapy emphasizes the concept of the Self — which represents calmness, clarity, compassion, and confidence. When individuals access their Self, they can better understand and support their internal parts, allowing emotional healing to take place.
In couples therapy, Gina Totino, LCSW uses an IFS-informed approach to help each partner better understand their own internal reactions and communicate from a place of greater openness and connection.
Q: How do we get started?
You can start by scheduling a free phone consultation and discussing your goals and concerns. Light Street Psychotherapy makes it easy to begin therapy with supportive guidance and flexible scheduling options.
📞 Contact Gina Totino, LCSW and the team at Light Street Psychotherapy: (973) 544-8617
About Gina Totino, LCSW — Couples Therapist at Light Street Psychotherapy
Gina Totino, LCSW is a Partner at Light Street Psychotherapy. In 2019, Meredith Strauss partnered with Gina Totino, LCSW to grow the practice and serve a larger population. Gina’s skill set helped grow the practice to bring on additional therapists at Light Street Psychotherapy.
Gina works with adults, adolescents, and their families who experience trauma, anxiety, depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, divorce, relationship issues, and anger management. Her therapeutic approaches help clients learn the skills to stay centered in a stressful and fast-paced world.
Gina’s couples therapy training and specialties include:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples
- Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO)
- IFS-informed couples therapy
- DBT for High-Conflict Couples
- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
- Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping)
📞 (973) 544-8617
🌐 Book a Free Consultation with Gina Totino, LCSW
✔️ In-person in Short Hills, NJ | Telehealth across New Jersey and Florida
Areas We Serve — Couples Therapist Near You
Gina Totino, LCSW at Light Street Psychotherapy provides couples therapy, EFT, IFIO, DBT, and IFS-informed relationship therapy in-person and via telehealth throughout New Jersey and Florida. We proudly serve the following communities:
In-Person Couples Therapy — New Jersey
- Couples Therapist Short Hills NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Short Hills NJ | Marriage Counseling Short Hills NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Short Hills NJ | IFIO Therapy Short Hills NJ
- Couples Therapist Millburn NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Millburn NJ | Marriage Counseling Millburn NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Millburn NJ | Relationship Counseling Millburn NJ
- Couples Therapist Springfield NJ | EFT Therapy Springfield NJ | Marriage Counseling Springfield NJ | DBT Couples Therapist Springfield NJ | Relationship Counseling Springfield NJ
- Couples Therapist Maplewood NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Maplewood NJ | Marriage Counseling Maplewood NJ | IFIO Therapy Maplewood NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Maplewood NJ
- Couples Therapist South Orange NJ | EFT Therapy South Orange NJ | Marriage Counseling South Orange NJ | DBT Couples Therapy South Orange NJ | Relationship Counseling South Orange NJ
- Couples Therapist Summit NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Summit NJ | Marriage Counseling Summit NJ | IFIO Therapy Summit NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Summit NJ
- Couples Therapist Madison NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Madison NJ | Marriage Counseling Madison NJ | Relationship Therapy Madison NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Madison NJ
- Couples Therapist Chatham NJ | EFT Therapy Chatham NJ | Marriage Counseling Chatham NJ | DBT Couples Therapist Chatham NJ | IFIO Therapy Chatham NJ
- Couples Therapist Livingston NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Livingston NJ | Marriage Counseling Livingston NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Livingston NJ | Relationship Counseling Livingston NJ
- Couples Therapist Florham Park NJ | EFT Therapy Florham Park NJ | Marriage Counseling Florham Park NJ | IFIO Therapy Florham Park NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Florham Park NJ
- Couples Therapist Westfield NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Westfield NJ | Marriage Counseling Westfield NJ | DBT Therapy Westfield NJ | Relationship Counseling Westfield NJ
- Couples Therapist Cranford NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Cranford NJ | Marriage Counseling Cranford NJ | IFIO Therapy Cranford NJ | DBT Couples Therapist Cranford NJ
- Couples Therapist Whippany NJ | EFT Therapy Whippany NJ | Marriage Counseling Whippany NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Whippany NJ | Relationship Counseling Whippany NJ
- Couples Therapist Berkeley Heights NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Berkeley Heights NJ | Marriage Counseling Berkeley Heights NJ | IFIO Therapy Berkeley Heights NJ | DBT Therapy Berkeley Heights NJ
- Couples Therapist Union NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Union NJ | Marriage Counseling Union NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Union NJ | Relationship Counseling Union NJ
- Couples Therapist Scotch Plains NJ | EFT Therapy Scotch Plains NJ | Marriage Counseling Scotch Plains NJ | IFIO Therapy Scotch Plains NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Scotch Plains NJ
- Couples Therapist Morristown NJ | EFT Couples Therapy Morristown NJ | Marriage Counseling Morristown NJ | DBT Therapy Morristown NJ | Relationship Counseling Morristown NJ
- Couples Therapist New Providence NJ | EFT Couples Therapy New Providence NJ | Marriage Counseling New Providence NJ | IFIO Therapy New Providence NJ | DBT Couples Therapy New Providence NJ
- Couples Therapist Mountainside NJ | EFT Therapy Mountainside NJ | Marriage Counseling Mountainside NJ | DBT Couples Therapy Mountainside NJ | IFIO Therapy Mountainside NJ
Telehealth Couples Therapy — New Jersey and Florida
- Online Couples Therapist New Jersey | Telehealth EFT Couples Therapy NJ | Virtual Marriage Counseling New Jersey | Online DBT Couples Therapist NJ | Remote Relationship Counseling New Jersey
- Telehealth Couples Therapist Florida | Online EFT Couples Therapy Florida | Virtual Marriage Counseling Florida | Online IFIO Therapy Florida | Remote Relationship Counseling Florida